What if We Didn't Blow The Horn?

The private equity team behind the acquisition of the East River Ferry has fresh new ideas

This is a satirical article. I am imagining that the private equity firm that acquired Hornblower, the company that runs the ferry here in New York, is the same organization that acquired Brooklyn Shadows Coven, P.C.— a vampire organization. Despite the unforgiving terms of that deal, they used their debt-leveraged buyout expertise to add value to Hornblower.

Gosh, it's great to meet the team. I understand you all work on a boat. The Hornblower? Well, at LastChoice BCP, we understand markets. Business ideas? Very fresh. We have fresh ideas. That's our brand— freshness. And, of course, fresh ideas. I want to make sure we address any questions the team at Hornblower has about the change in ownership of your boat company is going to mean?

(Hand raised…)

Yes, in the back, boat person?

Q?

That's the first part of our value-add approach. We're not going to blow the horn anymore. Horn blowing has a poor product-market fit. These will be dead silent. They will traverse the waters of the E…