With the advent of ChatGPT, I was expecting better scams. We have deep fakes of voices; we have the ability to generate endless text. We could plausibly do a better job of it…but that is not what I see happening. My love of scams (and debunking them) is a long-standing topic in this newsletter.
This, I suspect, misses the point of scams: scammers are not looking to fool the most savvy of us! They are indexing for the most credulous. Like I am, with my love of gift cards!1
With that brief introduction, I'm going to entertain myself by having an utterly pointless year-in-review post! It reviews some of my favorite scams of 2023.
It's essential to differentiate the lurid, desperate, and vaguely sexual scams on Twitter from the appeals to greed on LinkedIn. But there is some crossover. The most surprising thing to me is that so many of the scams seem to lean into loneliness entirely.
Let's start with the vast number of people who just want to say hello and get to know me if they're real (which they are not):
This is Princess Panda. Her initial outreach was, sadly, predictable:
She wanted to know how I was! I'm great, thanks. Aileen also wants to make more friends…presumably, she read my articles on the topic. She also shares the one secret to success, which my daily writing cadence has drawn inspiration from:
NEVER GIVE UP. She similarly focused on her curiosity about me:
Oh, so sorry, that's Valentina. Valentina does something having to do with wine?
She was really curious about how I was doing also! I will decry the deceptive use of a #tacotuesday for engagement when the post is about no tacos at all. WE ALL HAVE LIMITS, Valentina.
I'm using the term “really curious” as sarcasm for new readers. Some scammers start with flattery:
My information is excellent. I hope she can exchange and learn from me, also. That's why I write this newsletter. It is a time saver. I don't have to respond to each individual scam DM. I can share my excellent information all in one place.
I really enjoyed this bot advertising being a scammer myself, together!
The “this is an automated mass message” footer is just the best. In marking its intentions, it reminds me of a private equity acquisition pitch to LPs? Or even a really scammy term sheet!
The strangely prophetic and vaguely familiar continues over on LinkedIn!
Gertie just likes to meet people from different fields. I do too. But I'm busy. It does bother me. Your hopes have been dashed!
There are strange things about me. This LinkedIn member is correct. Unfortunately, somebody else reported this person as a scammer before I got to do so. Still, they are clearly onto something.
I am interested in exploring the medical industry. How did you know? There must be something strange about me…there are plenty of assistants to powerful people looking to found companies that need my help, and if I'll just give them my phone number, they'll connect me to their mysterious but reportedly well financed employers. Who need me! To work for them! It seems like a great opportunity. These messages are boring and repetitive, so I'm not gonna bore you with them. I'm gonna stick the landing… with my all-time favorite, from the depths of Instagram!
Someone created a profile with my name, and then decided they were a long lost child. Profoundly weird. There is, however, something strange about me.
Happy new year, almost. May the Scams be with you!
(my favorite podcast of mine, maybe ever)
Recent scams have been offering me jobs but they need me to buy office equipment and, if I don't mind, could I cash their mobile checks for them to pay for the stuff.
Hysterical.😀🤣👍🤗