Distract and Return Later & The Rewind

How to bail on arguments you'd rather not be having

The Frontier Psychiatrists is a daily health-themed newsletter. Included in health are fewer arguments. It’s more ability to get through conflicts in your day. I teach a technique called mentalizing. This column is about that. I have a book on the topic on Amazon (sponsored link).

All of us have been in conversations where we feel like we’re getting nowhere. I’ve probably been in more of these than most people. I’ll drop a definition of mentalizing for those who are just joining us:

Mentalizing involves the ability to interpret/understand behavior (one's own as well as that of others) as psychologically motivated in terms of underlying intentions and mental states, such as thoughts, feelings, wishes, and intentions.

One of the important things to understand about mentalizing is that it’s not always adaptive for people to mentalize. Times, when mentalizing is inappropriate, include:

1. when facing a tiger.

Never spend time wondering if the tiger is hungry. Run. The risk of being eaten…