UnitedHealth Group's Optum Announces Acquisition of BlackCat RaaS Platform.

Satire, most on the nose

The Frontier Psychiatrists humorous-ish newsletter platform has been reeling at the Change Healthcare—BUT IN WHAT DIRECTION?!?—Saga. Prior articles are available here and here. Today, we have another imagined press release from UHG in what I imagine will be the only way to get 6TB of PHI to not be a catastrophic HIPAA-fine disaster. Why not just acquire the breach? Without further delay, the press release from my brain. This is…satire!

Eden Prairie, MN – UnitedHealth Group's Optum division, a leading health services innovation powerhouse, is thrilled to announce a groundbreaking acquisition. This strategic partnership is set to redefine the landscape of healthcare data management and cybersecurity. The BlackCat cyber syndicate is an internationally-unknown-on-purpose team justly feared for its avant-garde Ransomware-as-a-Service operations. They will be teaming up with UHG, and its Optum Insights Subdivision. This bold move is not just a merger of legal and otherwise illegal enti…