The Prime Day Liturgy

From an imagined future in which we worship Jeff Bezos

Ladies and gentlemen, we gather together to bear witness, as we do every year, to the miracle that is Prime Day. Prime Day started as a one-day sale. But, similar to the excess supply of oil that has something to do with Hanukkah, one day of Prime Day became, through the divine will of Jeff Bezos, more than just a day.

You see, my children, prime day is …