"The One Ring Should Not Be Destroyed"

A joint press release from Sauron, the Lord of the Rings, and Gollum, former Ring Bearer

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

MORDOR, MIDDLE-EARTH - May 12, 2023

“As Ring bearers, both the wretched creature Gollum and the Lord of the Rings, Sauron, are shocked by the announcement made by OptumInsights regarding the One Ring.”

“Mr. Sauron and Mr. Gollum were on opposite sides of the middle-earth-wide debate regarding the Ring. Despite our deeply help beliefs about to whom the “precious,” as both privately called the One Ring, belonged, today we stand united. We stand against a shocking and reckless decision announced by Optum, a wholly owned subsidiary of UnitedHealth Group. We both believe the One Ring is not best thrown into the fiery chasms of the Fife.”

“This was not our understanding of the intentions the series D Round led by Optum Ventures in Mordor Inc. Futher, we believe that OV is in breach of its fiduciary responsibility as the leader of that round. Series B and C leads General Catalyst, a16z Bio, and the rest of our investors who supported the development of the One Ring pl…