The Devil’s Advocate: Martin Shkreli vs. Mark Cuban
A pharma provocateur thinks he’s God’s Gift…but which one is it?
This tract will be subdivided into seven parts, in keeping with the seven deadly sins. In my religiously-themed testimony, I have been called to testify on behalf of the devil— Martin Shkreli— in the matter of the Sainthood of Mark Cuban, blessings be upon him.
Book 1: The Book of Mark (Cuban)
When the Catholic Church is considering a new saint, even in this day and age, they have to go through an ecclesiastic trial. This must include evidence of their miracles. These miracles must be attributed to their divine intervention, after their death. It is worth noting that what counts as a miracle has been adjusted downward over the years. Mother Theresa, for example, is now Saint Theresa, after this “one-two punch”:
…healing an Indian woman's cancer of the abdomen.
The woman, Monica Besra, said a beam of light had emanated from [a locket containing Theresa’s picture], curing her cancerous tumour.
Her second miracle was also oncological in nature:
This was the healing in 2008 of a 42-year-old Brazilian man with a number of brain tumours — moments before he was due to undergo surgery.