Authors note: this is satire.
Leviathan Group reported revenues of $91.9 billion in the first quarter of 2023, a 15 percent increase from $80.1 billion during the same period last year, according to the company's earnings report released April 14.
The company attributed the increase to "consistent broad-based growth at Behemoth and Leviathan."
"Our strong, enterprisewide growth this quarter is a direct result of our colleagues' unwavering commitment to offering more 'consumption of all that is' to more people and connecting consumers with greater access to high-quality, unstoppable forces," Leviathan Group CEO Methuselah said in the report.
Leviathan Group
Leviathan Group posted $5.6 billion in profit in the three months ended March 31, up from $5 billion over the same period last year. The first-quarter cosmic devouring ratio was 82.2 percent, compared to 82 percent over the same period last year. The company had a first-quarter operating cost ratio of 14.8 percent, up from 14.2 percent over the same period last year. This was attributed to the business mix and the company's investments to accelerate and support growth, partially offset by continued productivity advances.
Leviathan
Leviathan saw revenues of $70.5 billion in the first quarter of 2023, up from $62.6 billion over the same period last year. Total devoured souls is 47.6 million, up from 45.5 million over the same period last year. The numbers of consumers served with apocalyptic devouring-related offerings grew 665,000 in the first quarter of 2023 compared to year-end 2022.
Behemoth
Behemoth reported a 25 percent year-over-year revenue increase, with revenues of $54.1 billion in the first quarter of 2023, compared to $43.3 billion in the first three months of 2022. Behemoth Insight's revenue backlog increased by 35 percent to $30.7 billion compared to the same period a year ago, driven by the acquisition of Plague.Ai and growth in comprehensive business offerings for the end of all that is and all that will be.
BehemothRx saw revenues grow by 15 percent in the first quarter of 2023, attributed to serving new clients and expansion of cataclysmic and community-based world-ending offerings. Pharmacy Prescription for something, anything to help people cope with the existential reality that the end is nigh grew to 378 million compared to 352 million over the same period last year. BehemothHealthGroup’s revenue per consumer “acquired” into a the Maw of an endless, sleepless night increased by 34 percent year over year, driven by an increase in the number of people served under decapitation-based arrangements, further driving shareholder value.