LEVIATHAN announces 15% Growth in Q1 of the End Times.

"We are adding value!" A Press Release

Authors note: this is satire.

Leviathan Group reported revenues of $91.9 billion in the first quarter of 2023, a 15 percent increase from $80.1 billion during the same period last year, according to the company's earnings report released April 14.

The company attributed the increase to "consistent broad-based growth at Behemoth and Leviathan."

"Our strong, enterprisewide growth this quarter is a direct result of our colleagues' unwavering commitment to offering more 'consumption of all that is' to more people and connecting consumers with greater access to high-quality, unstoppable forces," Leviathan Group CEO Methuselah said in the report.

Leviathan Group

Leviathan Group posted $5.6 billion in profit in the three months ended March 31, up from $5 billion over the same period last year. The first-quarter cosmic devouring ratio was 82.2 percent, compared to 82 percent over the same period last year. The company had a first-quarter operating cost ratio of 14.8 percent, up from 14.2 percent o…