I didn't write this poem about Optum

But someone did.

TheLayoff.com is becoming a real go to site for news about the world’s largest healthcare company. That is UnitedHealth Group. It is also its wholly owned subsidiary Optum of “cyber attack” fame. This poem was left today about the company. I'm only sad to say that it’s possible that AI wrote this?

Going to work used to be fun.

You could always find a laugh with someone.

We worked long and hard for our members.

I'm not sure if Leadership remembers.

For the special, for the elderly, for the parents, for the sick--

if you needed it done, we got it out quick.

Approvals and medicines and mental health care

were top of our minds--not the market cost of a share.

Call centers, doctors, analysts, ...unite!

We wanted to help them and together, we might.

But somewhere, things started to go wrong.

It was subtle--here and there--for so long.

It was always sad to lose someone you know.

But the company's success needed to grow.

Then things started to tilt and to shift and to sour.

It's hard to look on and not let yourself feel dour.

It seemed buying more companies was always 'swipe right'.

And despite all the profits, the budget got TIGHT.

But buying a broken company is problematic.

And the security breach was very dramatic.

Why update the software to something first-rate?

It's working for now and there's a lot on our plate.

So cross your fingers and hope for the best.

It probably won't be targeted to test.

Oh, it did? Well now we have to pay.

It's not like it will cost jobs, anyway.

Oh, it did? Well, it's important to to note

that we're all in this together--in the same boat.

"Yes, many were affected, but it's important we say

that it's a hard day for everyone today."

So despite the vast revenue that ends with a 'B'--

that's "billions", and yes, that's quarterly--

we'll fire thousands of people with a call not a letter

and we'll call them "affected" because it sounds better.

To the rest, who look like they su-ked on a lime,

we'll nod undersatndingly, and offer some time.

But then it's time to get in gear and back to work!

The workload's the same and there's nothing to shirk.

So what if your team of ten is now two?

It's not like you're bored and having nothing to do.

Hop to it! And be grateful for your perks.

We have no time to continue the waterworks.

We avoid burnout in our employees if we can,

but there's always Plan B, the contingency plan.

We'll announce a company-wide fireside chat.

We'll rouse up morale and that'll be that.

We'll wait a few months for the ire to fade.

And that's when the new round of "affected" will be made.

---

Regardless, it’s a good-enough poem. And I should know.

Thanks for reading!