How Two Child Psychiatrists Approach Technology with Our Own Twins
What "spending more time with our family" looks like for a family made of physician-tech start up executive parents.
Welcome to The Frontier Psychiatrists. My family and I were so excited to have been asked by our friends Raghu Appasani, M.D., and Larissa May, to interview our kids about their new platform, the Parent Tech Action Coalition (PTAC). And Drs. Muir and MacMillan are excited to see our kids working with Larissa and Raghu! Trent and Quinn decided to ask Princess Mommy and Boring Daddy to join the conversation. What follows is excerpted from that chat.
The PTAC is a no-judgment virtual community that supports parents of toddlers and teens with screens. It’s a tool for parenting around tech, offering expert advice, best practices, and a space to learn.
Child Psychiatrists Carlene MacMillan, MD and your author—Owen— have spent our careers pioneering cutting-edge mental health treatments. Between establishing new clinical protocols, building innovative health tech startups, and publishing daily on the latest and greatest in psychiatry through this very Substack, Drs. MacMillan and Muir are here to help.
However, our most important role takes place outside of the clinic… or in the clinic when the kids come on a tour. Carlene and Owen are the parents of rockstar 8-year-old twins: Quinn and Trent. Even as psychiatrists, they, too, are navigating the messy universe of YouTube Kids and Minecraft. We sat down last Sunday night with the whole family to hear how they approach technology in their household.
On What We Know About Technology & Mental Health
Q: There is a big debate on the relationship between emotional health and technology. What do we know about this from a research perspective?
Carlene: The research on social media affecting mental health is correlational. It is not strong data and does not control things in ways you can tease apart.
Certainly, it’s not healthy for kids to just be passively ingesting stuff on the internet. Doom scrolling isn't healthy for anyone. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good as an adult if I spend five hours doom scrolling, right? Why would that be good for a kid? It's not. But there's no strong evidence that active, interactive technology use is harmful. Many of the studies that do exist are outdated. Like, one study might be looking at the use of Facebook. Well, Facebook isn't relevant to this group anymore.
That being said, I often ask about social media history for teenagers and young adults. What are they doing online? What are they spending their time on? What are they drawn to? What are they not? I think we have to separate the behavior from the platform. There’s a million things you can do on it, it’s how you use it that matters.
Owen: Psychiatrists and child psychologists are not behavioral economists. They're not really good at the same kind of experimental design that our behavioral economics colleagues are good at. So, the data does not show anything causative. And none of the studies have been designed to do that. If we think it's so important, we should probably allocate resources to answering those questions with the kind of rigor we'd expect.
On Parenting Styles and Tech Rules
Q: Do you both approach technology in the same way as parents?
Quinn: (chiming in) Daddy's a little more strict than Mommy!
Owen: I tend to be more strict and more skeptical of the role of technology in the lives of young people because I am pretty convinced that the people making the algorithms to get our kids to use it more are really good at their jobs. They’re better than the average parent, better than me, at having good behaviors when it comes to modeling, molding the behavior of both kids and more importantly their parents are going to dish out the dollars for the game. So they're really great at getting kids to nag their parents for money. Trent, are we good at doing that?
Trent: Yes.
Owen: Is Roblox good at getting you to pay more money so you can have more Robux?
Trent: Yes.
Carlene: I believe in teaching self-regulation. For example, with bedtime, instead of enforcing strict rules, we let them figure out when they're tired. Now, Trent naturally goes to bed around 9, and Quinn comes in at 9:50 like clockwork asking to snuggle. With technology, instead of having strict screen time limits, Trent will know he has been using it too much because he gets a migraine. He will use it less because of that.
Quinn: If you use it too much, you get brain rot!
Q: Do you as parents have any tech non-negotiables?
Carlene: Well, so at the family dinner, I don't want the phones. Although, I have to say that me, Quinn, and Trent are very good at that. Quinn, how is daddy at that?
Quinn: My dad is horrible! He's always on his phone, scrolling through it, saying "I'm doing something!"
Trent: (laughing) That is so true. That’s so true.
Owen: Yes, I write a daily newsletter, so I’m writing articles constantly.
Carlene: And then the iPad is supposed to turn off at 10, that's a thing that happens.
Q: What's one piece of advice you would give to parents who are giving kids screens for the first time?
Owen: Model the behavior you want to see from your kids. Your behavior is what determines what they will do. So your relationship to technology is the tool you have to teach your children how to have a relationship with technology. And so maybe the fact that I feel like I have a less healthy relationship with technology is the reason I feel like I'm also more strict. Because I'm worried about how I relate to it and I don't want my kids to get stung.
Carlene: I think that because we have twins who are very different, you know, we get to have a front row seat into how kids are different developmentally. And so I think it's really hard to say to look for a guideline at this age, they should have a cell phone or at this age, they should be on this and that platform, because it has nothing to do with their biological age. It has everything to do with their sort of maturity. There's no one size fits all here on these limits. I also think limits around the number of hours of screen time, we don't really care about that because as Quinn said, there's doom scrolling brain rot type behavior and then there's interacting with their friends and maintaining friendships from afar. And that's a very different type of screen time. So I don’t think of it like that, I don't even use that word, “screen time,” ever in our family.
Rapid-Fire Family Questions
Q: If your family had a group chat name, what would it be?
Quinn: The Boba Family! We love boba!
Q: Who spends the most time on devices?
Everyone in unison: Dad!
Q: Okay, so which parent is more likely to say yes to extra screen time?
Owen: Hi, mom.
Q: If you had a screen-free day, how would you spend it?
Trent: I would go biking, honestly, because I love biking. I'd ask a friend to come biking with me or something, you know.
Quinn: Gymnastics, ice skating, and playing claw machines (they don't count as screens, right?)
Carlene: Organizing the house with a nice candle, taking a bath, and probably getting boba.
Owen: Playing with my analog music equipment.
The Bottom Line
As both professionals and parents, Carlene and Owen emphasize that technology isn't inherently good or bad – it's about how we use it. With open communication, flexibility, and a good sense of humor, we can help our kids develop a healthy relationship with technology while maintaining what matters most: family connection and individual growth.
And yes, our family really renamed their family group chat "The Boba Family."
Follow the PTAC for more content on navigating screens with your family!
Pull Quotes from the Parents (Owen & Carlene):
"Your behavior is what determines what they will do. Your relationship with technology is the tool you have to teach your children how to have a relationship with technology."
"There's no one size fits all here... It has nothing to do with their biological age. It has everything to do with their sort of maturity, their developmental stage."
"Limits around screen time... we don't really care about that because there's doom scrolling brain rot type behavior, and then there's interacting with their friends and maintaining friendships from afar. That's a very different type of screen time."
"Model the behavior you want to see from your kids... be a part of your kid's life, both online and off."
Hot Takes from the Kids (Quinn & Trent):
"If you have like more than eight hours of a day you can get brainwashed really easily." - Quinn
"Sometimes when I'm really bored and I'm on my iPad and don't want to do it anymore... I do bracelets at the same time I'm doing it." - Quinn [showing active vs passive engagement]
"With gaming... I can connect with other people... probably after this, after my dinner, I'm gonna call a friend and play." - Trent
In turning this Into an article, we had some stage directions….
Add a family photo for that relatable “we’re all in this together” vibe. And maybe…A personal touch: Insert a family photo here to humanize the narrative. Fine! I will add a cute kids picture…my readers have earned it.
Thanks for reading!
Congratulations, Owen. I wish psychiatrists like you had been around when I was a teenager. (My parents actually USED me and my psychotherapy appointments to surreptitiously have marriage counseling!)