"Honestly, I Am Terrified I Will End Up In Your Newsletter"

An open letter to everybody who has the good sense to worry about satire... and assure you, it's not you I'm gonna make fun of.

I need to explain something. This newsletter includes satirical content. Some individuals, and one very brave individual—who I won’t mention because that's the point—worry that I might skewer them! You know, with sass.

This perception? It is an unmitigated success for my overarching goal of encouraging compliance with all appropriate rules and regulations. However, it misses a little bit of the point.