From Dark Lord to Healthcare Innovator: Mordor's Surprising New Initiative

PR weighs in.

A lot of healthcare public relations is pretty lackluster in my experience, and they seem incapable of imagining a world where physicians explain matters related to health in a way that is compelling. I imagine it was just as bad for fictional villains in middle earth. In honor of the DEA’s most recent update on controlled substance prescribing, which leaves a lot to be desired especially when it comes to particularly vulnerable patients like those suffering from opiate use disorder, I write the following piece of satire.

What follows is a transcript of a meeting between Wormtongue & Associates (W&A) and Sauron, Lord of the Rings, along with his executive leadership team. It is regarding the crisis comms strategy around the failure of his dark riders to find the One Ring. It begins with Maureen McLaughlin, their Account Manager for W&A:

W&A: “so, thanks for taking this meeting so promptly.”

Sauron: 🔥

W&A: “This is a tough time, we recognize that there are several serious risks for y…