Despite having seen my prior announcement about stepping down from a daily cadence health-themed semi-satirical newsletter cadence, Donald Trump apparently could not stand to have anyone upstage him for even one moment and offered this public statement on the matter. My fellow Americans, I ask for solidarity in this difficult time, and in the spirit of magnanimity, I have made room for him to make his own statement, also:
My Fellow Americans,
Donald J. Trump
July 21, 2024
Over the past four years, we have witnessed the very bad things. The bad things. The Biden? Not good. Very bad. The very worst. I was very good.
Today, readers of newsletters have had to read news that is not fair. Newsletters are a dying format. Who even uses email anyway? Who put an E in front of the mail? Remember mail. It's nice to get mail. I always liked mail. Mail. I like a letter. I wrote the best letters. Tremendous letters, letters, like A. The first letter, never will we settle for Z. Those letters are for losers.
America is dying. There's a crisis. It's very crisisy. Have you seen the crisis? Have you seen it? Just the other day, there was a crisis. And then another another one. Do you know when I was president? Things were very good. The best. The best. The rest.
I was the best president. And I'm running to be president of America. To be the American president. That's what I'm running for. And I'm going to stop Joe Biden. I'm going to stop him. I'm going to put him in the crosswalk. Oh, is there something going on with him? It seems like it's hard to follow. When I was the president, Joe Biden wasn't the president. And when I'm the president again, Joe Biden won't be the president again. Did you know I also write daily? Like Owen Muir guy, I write every day on Truth Social. I write many truths. Owen isn't the only guy who writes every day; I write daily, too.
Owen Muir, M.D… is he some sort of doctor? My doctor says I'm in the very best shape. All my results are positive. What does Owen know? Dr. O? I bet I know more than he does. I know more than most doctors. Why am I so healthy? The doctors can't answer it, not most of the doctors, except my doctor, he's very good. Did I mention he's very good?
I'm gonna cause peace in the Middle East. I'm also going to solve the mental health crisis. I'm going to solve it, I'm gonna get the best people, they're very, very best people, the people who are the best of the things like the mental health crisis and the peace in the Middle East. That's what's gonna happen because you know what? That's what. I told you so. If you didn't listen, Donald Junior? He is a real Donald. He's not the real Donald. That would be me. I am the president. The president of the newsletters, and you're reading me now, and not some other person. Not some person with a dying tiny little newsletter; that's totally a failure.
It has been the greatest honor of my life to focus on China. Did you see the immigrants? Did you know they're writing newsletters, too? I bet that Owen Muir is an immigrant. I bet he's from China. Does he have Chinese people writing his newsletter?
Did you know girls’ sports? I love girls sports. I watch the sports the girls play. I love the girls. Girls are sporting. I love sports. Carlene MacMillan, MD, is one such girl. She has blonde hair, which I approve of. Maybe it would be better if we just let the girls play sports.
Don't read this newsletter. It has a tiny readership. Tiny—nobody reads it. It's not very good. I'm the important one, follow me. Read me and truth, social, maybe even reTruth it.
This. This is amazing. Laugh out loud funny. And yet so very accurate.
You are a brilliant human 😂❤️🥹