Donald Trump Also Has An Announcement

He seems to need attention.

Despite having seen my prior announcement about stepping down from a daily cadence health-themed semi-satirical newsletter cadence, Donald Trump apparently could not stand to have anyone upstage him for even one moment and offered this public statement on the matter. My fellow Americans, I ask for solidarity in this difficult time, and in the spirit of magnanimity, I have made room for him to make his own statement, also:

My Fellow Americans,

Donald J. Trump

July 21, 2024

Over the past four years, we have witnessed the very bad things. The bad things. The Biden? Not good. Very bad. The very worst. I was very good.

Today, readers of newsletters have had to read news that is not fair. Newsletters are a dying format. Who even uses email anyway? Who put an E in front of the mail? Remember mail. It's nice to get mail. I always liked mail. Mail. I like a letter. I wrote the best letters. Tremendous letters, letters, like A. The first letter, never will we settle for Z. Those letters are for …